God answers prayers... even if you forgot you prayed about it because it took so long to get answered...

So. As for the title of this post, I'll get to that in a moment.

To start off, let me preface. I love our new home. I'ts perfect for us, and Spencer and his father put in so much hard work to make it "ours". I have beautiful dark espresso stained hardwood, after hours of sanding and staining on their parts, a beautiful color palette of paint colors throughout the house, my GORGEOUS and MODERN glass mosaic tile back splash in the kitchen, and the list goes on. But it has KILLED me that my house has been such a mess that you cant see much less appreciate the hardwork and beauty my home has. And it pained me. It really did.

I was NEVER a clean person, I honestly didn't have time. Growing up, I was HARDLY ever home, and if I was home, it was only for a moment so things were strewn about due to the hurry I was in, and there was never time to clean it up. Eventually, my mom got to the point where she banished me to the basement (it was finished... lol) and I could make that as much of a mess as I pleased, which of course enabled my problem, not helped fix it.

So all that being said, being clean is soooo very hard for me. Like seriously, it's something I fight everyday. And honestly I feel its just as hard as someone that is fighting an addiction, except mine is in the opposite way, where I couldn't force myself to clean. And then it piled up. And piled up. Literally.

Then it became a wedge in my relationship. Spencer expected some sort of cleaning from me, and I just wasn't doing it. I had no desire to clean, and at that point, I wouldn't even do it to make him Happy. I just didn't care. I resented him, for resenting me because I wouldn't clean.

I knew this was becoming a SERIOUS problem, for obvious reasons. The kids need a clean space to grow up in and anything less is unfair to them as they don't have a say in it. its also unfair to Spencer as he is at work all day making money for our family, and I'm at home not doing my part.

So I decided to pray about it. and pray some more. Nightly prayers, morning prayers. And nothing. I asked to have a desire to clean. Not to just wake up one day and clean. But have the desire to have a clean house and actually act upon it. Still nothing. Then I took this prayer to the temple. Twice. During my prayer, I balled my eyes out, part from frustration that i had to go to the House of the Lord to ask this seemingly insignificant thing, as I'm sure everyone else there were praying for things much more important. And crying also, because of the fact that I had to come to the Temple to pray about this, because it didn't come naturally to me. I hated that part of me, that I wasn't a clean person.

And still nothing. I felt that I had done all I could and Heavenly Father just wasn't listening. or Just really wanted me to have this challenge. Either one sucked. I had gone to the temple once since then, and I thought about that prayer for cleanliness, but I didn't pray for it again. I had other things on my mind.

Then, on Christmas Eve, my dad was coming over. And that meant i needed to clean. Now my father wasn't there that much growing up, but for some weird reason (that I bet alot of you can relate to) I feel the need to pleas him more than my mom, who was the parent that was ALWAYS there. (a subject for another time, but i really wonder why that is...) Anyways, we cleaned, Spencer and I. And I scrubbed. More than I had since we moved in. And I felt good.

Then my dad didn't show up. I was not happy. I felt all that cleaning had gone to waste. But then I remembered the feeling I felt looking at the clean house. (mind you, not all of it was clean, but it was a definite improvement) and I liked the way I felt.

Then the next morning we opened gifts. And the house got a little messy. And this was the turning point. Normally, I would have just left it. But I knew my dad had rescheduled for the next day, so I knew I had to clean. And I did. And I got it back to what it was the day before. And he came. And he thought it was so nice. And I felt validated.

Then this morning rolled around. And the realization hit me after I had cleaned the dining room table, did the dishes, and just cleaned a little bit to maintain the cleanliness that I had achieved the day before. I realized, I had just cleaned for myself. And that I liked it. I did it because it looked nice for ME. Not because anyone else was coming over. And AS I washed the dish that I had been washing in a trance for a few minutes now, I began to cry. (like I am now... big baby) Because I realized the biggest realization of all. My prayer had been answered. The prayer I had forgot that I had prayed, was finally answered.

No one knows why Heavenly Father does things in His time frame. But he does. And I am so thankful that it was answered. My house isn't spotless, its far from it. But my mentality has changed. Even if its jsut a little bit. I have a long way to go, but that's all I wanted. To want a clean house that makes me have a happy hubby. And its gonna be a journey to get there, but I'm just so thankful that my Heavenly Father loves me and blesses me with answered prayers.

Love, Sky